Two roads

I spend a lot of my little bit of my free time on Facebook, Pinterest, Pulse, reading the wisdom of others…often in quick bites. But I find when I try to put things to practical use…I find a lot of paradoxes and contradiction.
Do I live each day like it’s my last or beware the barrenness of a busy life? Do I teach my children to follow their hearts or focus on math? Is it early to bed, early to rise or no one ever says “I wish I’d worked more” on their deathbed? The “live for today or save for tomorrow” question may be the one that I think about most often. Who can say what’s right? Seriously, who can tell me? I want names! We can’t know how long we’ll live. We can’t predict if our children will be wildly successful at something that provides them with a decent living or if they’ll be riding our couch in our retirement years. Who knows? What is the right path? Is there a true middle road where I can experience just the right amount of everything but not feel foolish? I think my children believe I have all the answers…but I’ll tell you a secret: I am totally flying by the seat of my pants. I try to be kind to people, try to be a nice person, love on my kids and make them feel validated and important. I work hard but try to pepper in some fun. I have no idea if I’m okay or if others see me in a negative light. I some times feel uncontrollably anxious and angry if I’m running late somewhere. I think mean things about people. I want people to think I’m pretty, smart and funny. I have so many thoughts in my brain at once at times that I think I might burst…I want to be heard and I want people to want to listen to what I have to say…REALLY LISTEN.
Anyway, I guess all in all…no one knows what the hell they’re doing. Some are just better at faking it than others, some people must feel more confident in their convictions. I wish I had that kind of confidence.

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3 thoughts on “Two roads

  1. Love to stay up on the porch with some wine discussing–could go so many different directions! Let’s start with what I know about you: beauful chilrens (that’s southern speak), loving husband, good job, nice community, friends and family that adore you. So, begs the question, why so distraught? What is really bothering you? I’m listening. 🙂

  2. Connie W says:

    Darling friend…you are so human. All of us women who have nurturing souls like you do feel like we need to have the answers to all of it sometimes. Husbands, lovers, children, friends looking for wisdom and truth in their own lives and finding you so wise and truthful yourself turn to your light to brighten their lives. It’s addictive for them but sometimes too much of a drain on the life inside you that keeps you so brilliant. Give yourself permission to sit back and draw on the life force, whatever that may be for you, that keeps you curious and interesting and pretty and smart and funny and all the things that you are. Women do travel two roads. You have lots of hands to hold onto while you travel yours. Reach out for you are not alone…..

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