Changes

“Changes”  (click here to hear the song)

There’s a song called Changes by a band I love named Stars and the hook says “Changes, never been good with change…I hate it when it all stays the same…caught between the gold and the game”. I feel those lyrics are so relatable.  I sometimes think that I’m the only one that thinks in that kind of paradox…I’m not good with change but I need it to make me feel alive.  But it can’t just be me…don’t we all yearn for a shake up now and then?  We might complain about the break in our routine all the while but we need that adrenaline rush, the anxiety, the drama of something different, yeah??
So, lately I’ve been in a little bit of rut and decided to shake things up on my own…

I signed up for a “mud run”
I got my nipples pierced
I made and went to doctor’s appointments that had waited too long
I got a new tattoo
I started taking an anti-depressant
I started working out before work 4+ mornings a week with a friend
I got rid of all my “mom jeans”
And today…I got my nose pierced.

Simple things, but things for me…even typing that I feel a little selfish. That’s what moms do to themselves…that’s how “mom jeans” get sold in the first place…we lose our identities and feel guilty if we try to find them. But how can I give my best to others if I’m not being myself? I can’t. That’s what I’m discovering and it feels good…and terrifying.

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